While on the west coast for a number of meetings and projects, I was invited to the Techcrunch5 party celebrating Shel and Robert’s book launch as well as testing the limits of Michael Arington’s neighbors. I wasn’t aware you could pack 500 people in a house with only two bathrooms, cool.
This party had enough going on to keep the sand hill slave blogging for a decade. One party, 1000 blog entries, minimum.
With apologies to the kind lady and the disclaimer that I am not as good a writer as she is (from her: “…he went home with 2 Danish women. My parting words to him were, "make sure your Danish rolls are fresh before you eat them in the morning". (Gross and immature, I know).)”
Here are some my Valley Observations.
Crashing the party. When it is an “in” place to be here in the valley, the stories at the front door are way better then what you see at some fancy night club.
“I’m on the damn Wiki, young lady!”
“No, you don’t understand, my firm handles most of legal work for these companies, I’m always on the list.”
“I blog about this parties, Missy, I don’t do invites.”
“I’m here to replace a crashed drive in the Kaboodle demo, they just messaged me.”
The best pick up line I heard last night, pocket protector type to clearly A list lady:
“Wow, cleaning this carpet is going to be a bitch tomorrow, don’t you think.”
I am blessed with the fact that nobody knows (or cares) who I am. It affords me the same level of Sand Hill Slave (SHS) type anonymity without the fear of being outed. I used this blessing by being a quiet observer and then, when engaged, basically make stuff up just to test SHS valley theory.
Consider the recent dust up over John Dvorak’s working theory about Apple shipping Vista on Apple hardware. While John relaxes with his current intake of mind alternating substances, I tweak a few folks.
me: Mishka! Great to finally meet you. I’ve gotten the port code up and I must say it; Apple’s implementation of Vista is much more stable, especially with the new Bluetooth version 5 drivers, wow, 1200 feet. When is the NDA coming off all this stuff. Well done.
him: Uh, I don’t work for Apple, but whoa, really? You got a port from Apple of Microsoft code?
me: Oh. Gee, sorry, I mis-read your name tag and you looked just like your email. I really can’t talk about it. But it is cool.
Of course he is standing there with three friends trying to act all cool and hip. Now the four of them have a hot scoop they can share with all the A list bloggers running around the party. You heard it here first, don’t let ValleyWag tell you otherwise.
Then there is this whole notion of what you do vs. who you are. Nowhere, I think, but in the valley can you get away with this kinda stuff.
Her: “Do you have a card?”
Him: “Just Google me, babe.”
And speaking of Valleywag, while I do agree with Fred Wilson and others that it is a bit over the top, telling people you are “contributing editor” for Valleywag appears to be handy for getting dates.
Her: “And what do you do?”
Me: “I’m a contributing editor for Valleywag, have you heard of us?”
Her: OMG, I love what you are doing. It’s about time. (Saddles up close). Now, you see that one over there, bet you didn’t know she is sleeping with him in order to get information for the start up she wants to do which will probably get funded because her husband is a VC over at that guy’s firm which, of course, will fund anything. Grab me a wine spritzer and I’ll let you in on everything really going here.”
And the phrases! They are all here, being used, in one tent, it’s cliche central.
“Let’s continue the dialog” (said to a guy hounding a VC about an idea to bring Solyent Green like products out.)
“I lived with a double dip but the drag -n– tags on top of the weighted average math, well just not gonna happen at this man’s start up.”
Not to be out done, is the name dropping, yowsa.
“Yes, I was at Guy Kawasaki’s place talking about Paul Kedrosky and my working on his latest thing and had to take a call from Eric Schmidt about lining up a meeting with Bill Gates so we could all get our plan ready for that Congressional Testimony. It’s just crazy, I tell you, crazy.”
At the prize for the most questionable tactic at the party?
A couple of ‘random’ types were sucking up to Robert Scoble’s kid, giving him seriously nice free goodies. The overhead part was “Hopefully, we will get a meet.” Lame, boyz, really lame.
Memo to Mark Evans and Matthew Ingram: Let’s borrow somebody’s house and throw a party like this in Toronto. I’ll pitch in some FF miles and we’ll get Sand Hill Slave to make her first bay street appearance.
Memo to Hugh: Does this go on at the Geek Dinners in London?
Enjoy your weekend and if you are at MashUp Camp, please say hello. I will be the guy in the Valet Parking Jacket. No, really.