He's dead, Jim

Here in my humble home, up north in Aurora, Ontario, I get my fair share of those pesky phone calls looking for the head of the household. They want to sell me stuff or take a survey about something.

On the surveys, if I’m not in the mood or busy, it is an easy task. When they ask if I or any member of my family is employed or affiliated with whomever, I simply say yes. Done and nobody gets hung up on or treated rude.

On the selling me stuff, I have a different approach as I like to practice doing weird stuff with a straight face.  For a number of years, this has been the approach:

Caller: Hello, I’m calling from Garbo’s Chiropractor and Plumbing service, may I speak to Rick Segal?

Me: Oh.

C: Sorry?

M: Well, he’s dead. Died last week from an infected paper cut. Guy was always pushing tons of paper, doctor said this was going to happen.

C: Uh, err, ummm, sorry.

M: Hey, they say he went quick. Listen, the family is asking for donations be made to a couple of fine charities. Give me your name and phone number, I’ll have the coordinator call and get your financials.

As it turns out, this is the perfect echo chamber test. I’ll know that blogs are totally mainstream, everybody reading everything, when somebody on the other end of the call says, “No yer not, I read the blog entry!”

I hope you’re having a great weekend.

Comments

[Iain]

Nice.
Reminds me of the Sienfeld bit:

"Look, now's not a good time for me. Why don't you give me your home phone number, and I'll call you back later?"

"What? You don't like people calling you at home?"

"Well, now you know how I feel!"

[Andy Freeman]

I ask them phone surveyors if they're getting paid. Some duck the question while others say "yes". I then ask "Am I going to get paid?" The smart ones try to argue that I get some benefit but I've yet to run into one who believed that. The dumb ones bluster. Some hang up on me.

[Alex Barnett]

I like it. I'm doing this next time!

[Greg]

I'm just north of you in Newmarket. I have learned to listen for the 2-10 second delay while the ACD queue switches your call to the "next available agent". As the agent comes on the line and says, "Good evening, Mr. or Mrs. Homeowner, I simply hang up, having waited 1 - 9 seconds for someone to say "hello". Makes me feel good and I don't have to deal with the "pitch".