A Different Approach to Getting My Attention

You just can't make this stuff up.

Here is an email thread that wandered through my inbox:

From: Mark xxxxxxx Date: Thu, 20 Jun 2008 To: Rick Segal Subject: Time Sensitive - Invest Opp

Rick,

I got your name from [] who indicated you might be a good fit for our company. After reviewing your public profile, blog, general google results, we've concluded that we can allow your firm the opportunity to review our company for investment. I've attached a one page summary of our company. As you will see, we believe that within 9 months, we will obtain $200 million in revenue with only minor losses of $10 million.

We will accept your investment proposal up until midnight, Oklahoma City time, tonight. If you will require an extra hour or two, please notify me within 7 hours of the expiry time so I can convene a management meeting to review this request.

We will consider moving to Canada should we receive a binding notice of tax benefits and inducements from the Canadian Government along with your investment proposal.

Our investor due diligence process will be required prior to finalizing your investment.

Thank you.

I love this gig.. My reply back:

To: Mark xxxxxxx
Date: Thu, 20 Jun 2008
From: Rick Segal
Subject: RE: Time Sensitive - Invest Opp

Mark,

Thanks for writing. I've always appreciated it when [] sends me a referral. I've given your proposal careful consideration and, in order to beat both the midnight and 7 hour prior deadlines, I've decided to pass. I believe timeliness is an important quality.

Be careful out there!

best,

>R<

I forwarded this thread to [] with a big smily face and within 2 minutes got back OMG and then within 7 minutes after that, got an Amazon gift certificate with 'sorry sorry sorry' as the card.

As I said, I love this gig!

Comments

[Jeff]

I thought there was going to be a punchline at the end. Something along the lines of, " J/K, Send me your thoughts on what I have given you so far." I am an amateur in first letters, but this guy makes me feel like a pro. Send him a thank you for the boost in my confidence.

[Ron]

[insert snorting laugh here]

[Neil Wainwright]

There has to be a VC website where this letter could go into the hall of fame.

...Neil

[Eiso Kant]

This is definitely one to frame and hangup in your office.

Eiso

[Charlie]

So... the original email *was* a joke, right?

[Braydon]

Will they accept investment in the form of heads of cattle... because I just might have a good match for them.

[Brian]

Must be related to the guys from Oklahoma who are trying to move the Seattle Sonics NBA franchise to Oklahoma City. Apparently some folks down there have quite an impression of themselves :).

[Colin Percival]

I thought something like this was inevitable when Paul Graham wrote "Investors like it when [you act like] you don't need them" -- but it's still rather impressive that someone could manage to go so far wrong.

[Foreman]

Yeah.. investors don't like silly ultimatums. Doesn't really endear you to them. Great letter, thanks for sharing it.

[Aaron Brazell]

Haha. Pitch FAIL.

[Alex G]

I was expecting the letter to end with "BTW, we're holding your wife and children!"

Seriously though, if you send me a 200 million dollar check within the next 5 minutes, I will let you take a peak at my business plan...

[Albert L]

That has to be one of the best emails I've seen from you yet.

Great reply. =P

[Leigh]

So? what was the verdict?

[Charles Ketchabaw]

very nice.

This reminds me of many headshot(s) & resume(s) received by overzealous actors.

The cover letters would occasionally request immediate consideration for parts because of "offers" on the table from big name Hollywood celeberties and movie producers.

Oh dinner Theatre how I miss thee.

CK

[RogerC]

Ahh Rick, you always get to see the best deals first ;)

[Andrew Lockhart]

Amazing... I wish I got emails like this.